Tonight is a big night. Adam and I decided to bring the days of the pacifier to a close. The main reason is because it’s affecting his teeth as per his dentist. Another reason is that he doesn’t use it at school at all so we’re being played a little bit here. And don’t get it twisted….he knows he is playing us. We prepped him all week, telling him we would have a farewell cupcake party for the paci and that he could get a new toy. He was so excited all week but today was a mess. It hit him that this was real tonight and he had an all-out gut-wrenching tantrum for about 15-20 mins. It ended rather suddenly with him eating some challah with peanut butter and a whole pear. We pretended to swim a bit and then dove into the ocean aka his bed. He looked at me slyly and said “paci?”. I said no and that was it. Bedtime was longer for sure but he’s now fast asleep and doing great. I’m relieved. Not because it’s over by any means. I have no doubt this week will be a shitshow of tantrums. I’m relieved to be on the other end of a tantrum. Whenever he is tantrumming, which is rare, I get worried about my own steely resolve in the face of tears and obvious emotional distress. I ask myself if I am becoming a mean person that his tears don’t break me. I wonder if I am just that much closer to being a bad mom. Now that we’re on the other end of the tantrum and he is safely asleep, I am relieved that it seems like I did the right thing by sticking it out. Tomorrow is another day and no doubt another set of tears but for now, we’re good.