“Mom, I’m White”-What The White Parent Thinks

As you can tell from this blog, race is a frequent topic at home. Tabitha and I hold nothing back when discussing the topic with each other. We try to delve deep into situations, learn from them and use our privilege to help make change.
In fact, we had a learning moment recently when we went to a wedding. I asked what suit I should wear. It’s not an in-depth choice: I own two suits–one very light brown that I wore for our summer wedding and one dark brown that I wear to everything else. She suggested the light one, and that seemed logical to me. May wedding means summer suit, right? Wrong. Turns out that for this wedding of two Puerto Rican men, I stood out like Jeff Sessions at a backyard bbq. We talked about it, acknowledged that in these scenarios it is better to err on the side of caution, discussed why and enjoyed the chance to party while our son was sound asleep at home with a babysitter. But I digress. The point is that the conversations are easy between the two of us.

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6 Ways that Facing Race Helped My Post-Election Fear

This past week was intense, right?. Let’s just say it wasn’t the greatest election result for those of us who believe in racial justice.  Tabitha and I were tense and walking around New York the day after the election was eerie–it was raining, everyone looked warn out and the future was dire.

Thankfully, I jumped into a bubble of racial justice on Thursday: I had the privilege of attending Facing Race, a conference for racial justice Continue reading

Where Fear Meets Comfort

Adam: The election is today and let’s just say Tabitha and I are kind of scared for our family. There are two major identifiers in our family: We’re interracial and we’re Jewish. This election has brought out both racism and anti-Semitism in fellow Americans. Tabitha and I have discussed both of these “isms” at length. “Did you see the latest video?” became a question between us, one that we used too frequently to refer to a video of another Black person shot by police or intensely mistreated because of the color of their skin. I grew up believing (and still believe) that the Holocaust could happen again. Continue reading

“Some Of My Best Friends Are Black…”

Hands

ADAM: Some of my best friends are black. Some of my best friends are Jewish. Those statements are supposed to somehow justify the next one which is usually along the lines of…”so I know how Jews are” or “so I know about the black experience”. Tabitha and I hear these statements from time to time and we bristle every single time. If you ever catch yourself about to say something like this, don’t. Continue reading

Getting Real: Dealing With Holiday Baggage As An Interfaith Family

Passover
*Adam was tagged on this pic on Facebook. We have no idea who it belongs to. If it belongs to you, please send us an email so we can credit you at currybagel@gmail.com.

Passover is almost here. Bagels are not kosher for Passover, but curry is.  Discuss.

In a mixed family, holidays are both amazing and tough. They are amazing because we get to share traditions with each other and create new traditions as a family. We love our families, so getting together for holidays is fantastic. The baby loves his cousins and aunties and uncles and Nana and Grandma and Grandpa(s).

That’s the easy part.

Adam: Holidays are tough because Tabitha and I have expectations of each other, some of which are spoken, some of which are assumed, but all of which are steeped in years of experiencing our own traditions. Continue reading

Talking Race As The White Parent

As the white parent in an interracial relationship, my experience with talking about race is very different from other parents of white children. I attended an event a few nights ago titled “Raising Race-Conscious Children” (more info at raceconscious.org), and the underlying discussion was to bring up race before it is brought up by the child. This can normalize the fact that people are different skin colors. For example, when reading a book, look at the different races of people in the book and point it out. Studies show that kids begin to see race as early as 6 months and begin to react at a couple of years and by the time they’re 5 or 6 are beginning to act in accordance with the beliefs but they’ve picked up. What I find so fascinating is that as a parent of a multiracial child, there’s no question that race will come up. He’s only one and a half years old and it already has come up a number of times. But for parents of white children, it takes an effort to raise the topic of race and to bring up a child who is aware of race.
I’m in a place of privilege that I don’t feel the stigma of raising a child who is a different race (even though he is) because our skin tones and eye colors are very similar. But I see the looks when my wife is with us. Continue reading